Wednesday, June 2, 2010

6 months

It has been 6 months since my dad went home to be with the Lord.

It has been 6 months and one day since I last told my dad I loved him.

It has been 6 months and 3 days since I last got to hug him and have gotten to see him with my earthly eyes.

I long for the day when I get to see him again, hug him, and hear his voice.

I know that hundreds of people die everyday, but when it is someone that you are close to... your world stops.



This is the last picture that was taken of my dad. It was at the mall right before half of us went to the airport after thanksgiving.

My dad was doing what he did best and loved. He was playing with his grandboys.

The very next thing we did before leaving the mall was stand in a circle holding hands and praying for the safe trips we were all about to make.

What a great last memory of dad.

I am so thankful that we got to come down for Thanksgiving.

Eventhough these 6 months have felt like a blur at times. I have gone through a lot of emotions.

I have gone through doubt...

Right after dad's celebration service, the entire month of December that I stayed with mom I felt like dad was gone on a business trip and he was going to storm in the door anytime with his arms waving in the air and say, "Sorry I missed everything." with that big smile on his face.

Then I moved on to grieving...

When I came back home and it took everything in me to get out of bed.

For 4 months everytime I was in the car or alone for that matter. I would find myself crying. Sometimes I didn't even realize it then I would feel tears running down my face.

I have felt angry at him. When Mr. Genius remembers a time back in October when he was visiting us. They went out running and dad had to stop because his chest hurt. Why didn't he go to the dr? Why did he ignore that pain?

I have felt sad.

It deeply saddens me that my kids and my nephews will not really know my dad. Wild Man is the only one that will kind of remember him. My dad was such a strong, wise christian man that I wish I had that guidance today and I really wish that my boys would have it too.

It breaks my heart that when Romeo sees picture of my dad I have to remind him who he is.

I have felt jealous because of all that I have read up on heaven... I want to be there too. And jealous of other people that still have their dad's here.

But most of all I have felt blessed. Blessed that I did have a great dad that has guided me and most certainly lead by example to love the Lord with all my heart. Blessed with such wonderful friends that have to helped me with taking care of the boys when I was emotionally drained. Sent encouraging emails, letters, and above all prayers.

I have truly appreciate everything from everyone.

Thank you


POGO

18 comments:

I'm a full-time mummy said...

That is a sweet post of your dad, sorry to hear about his passing, no matter how long it has been, you'll never forget about the memories you have together. Cherish your loved ones while they are still alive.

Sometimes I wished so badly my parents get to see me getting married and having a child of my own but I guess they do know, and they do see it up from where they are at now. God bless you and stay strong!

Simple Southern Happiness said...

I feel your pain and would like to tell you the pain does ease. For me its been 5 years, the pain has eased.

You were blessed to have a close relationship with your father, hold on to those memories. Pass them onto your children.

Prayers for you and your family.

One Life Many Journeys said...

My heart aches for you. I lost my dad years ago.....he is still alive but there is no longer a relationship. It is sad really. Even though it makes me sad to see people in grief I also am happy for them that they had a good enough relationship to feel those feelings. Know that you are blessed to have such wonderful memories! I will pray for you and your family that you can come to the time when you can smile about the memories.

Katie said...

Oh man. I was reading along, thinking, "It must be really hard to lose your dad." and then I read the line about reminding Romeo who he is in pictures, and I choked on my coffee and burst into tears. That would be the worst for me...for my little guy not to know his grandpa/grandma/whoever. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Kris said...

Dear friend,
You don't know me. I don't know you. I love your blog though. I visit. I read your post today and it brought me back to a memories of mine that are so very like yours. I too lost my dad, my hero, my knight in shining armour, 7 years ago. It feels like minutes. I have three brother, I am the only daughter. I was very close to my father. My world stopped when he died. I was paralyzed with grief. I am a middle age woman with a grown family of my own. But still, I was so gripped with the grief of losing him, my world stopped. I can so identify with your emotions. I am so sorry for you loss.
Kris

Lyndsey said...

Katie, I can't believe it has been 6 months. I love your last memory of him at the mall. How lucky you and your family were to have him. Thinking of you and praying for you today.

Carrie said...

As you remember, I nearly lost my dad a few mos ago. The fear still grips us often because while his body is healing and he's progressing well, his risk of a secondary stroke is so high. When he tells me he's dizzy, has a headache, or his vision doubles, I nearly faint at the thought of losing him. I cling to every chance to make new memories. Whether I have days, weeks, months, or years, I don't want to look back with regrets of time ill spent. Thank you for sharing your heart. It is a sobering reminder of how grateful I am to have him another day. Praying for you and hugging my daddy again in honor of yours.

Kristin said...

You ARE so truly blessed. Blessed to have had him, blessed to be left with the memory at the mall, blessed that your Wild Man will remember him. I lost my dad two and a half years ago, like I've mentioned before (and blogged about) so I know that pain all too well. I remember it like it was yesterday, and still sometimes think I want to tell him something, and then I remember. It's hard. I'm sorry again for your loss.

Chris said...

Thank you for sharing such tender thoughts. I lost my papa about the same time, and my dad has terminal cancer. I share the same feelings of missing and loss...and gratitude for Jesus.

Sandra said...

Katie, I'm so glad you have such good memories with your dad to hang on to. I hope you find yourself more and more often in the "feeling blessed" part of your emotional roller coaster. For all the other times, I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Lori said...

Katie
What awesome memories you have of your Dad. I'm so jealous of those. My Dad hasn't been a big part of my life and certainly hasn't been a spiritual leader. His legacy will be seen in your boys for sure. I'm praying that my girls will think of Dustin as you have thought of your Dad.

Red Door Home said...

My heart aches for you and your family. Thanks for sharing these wonderful memories of your Dad.

Wendy said...

My heart breaks for you. My mother in law passed away 4 years ago and the hurt and loss still runs deep for Tony and I. We keep her memories alive with the kids by telling them her stories and how they remind us of her. Every now and then something will happen and we'll smile...and know she is here with us! Our prayers are with you!
xoxo
Wendy

Laura said...

I SO understand everything you just described. Some days are still hard for me, too. My husband and I want to start trying for another baby, and there is a part of me that is so saddened knowing my mother won't be here for this one. I hurt knowing my son won't get to enjoy her this side of heaven : (. How wonderful it will be when ALL of us will reunite in heaven one day though! I joyfully look forward to eternity with my Savior and my family. No more pain, tears, or sorrow. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Katie. I truly mean that. Hang in there. Lots of love to you, friend.

Becolorful said...

Katie, what a handsome guy in that photo. Interestingly enough I just did a post on my dad yesterday. My dad has been gone for about 18 months. I got misty here and I cried openly writing my post. The tears I guess are healing. I talk to my dad all of the time. I believe he can still hear me.
Hugs to you and I am so grateful for your faith. I don't know how people get by without it.
Pam

Courtney said...

Hi, Katie. I'm visiting from Exposing the Drapes to my 20s. I'm terribly sorry about your loss. I lost my grandmother last August and still have to remind myself I can't pick up the phone to call her any longer. I pray you find peace in his passing. Blessings to you!

Teresa @ ♥ TOO MANY HEARTBEATS ♥ said...

Katie~

I am SO sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I can not begin to imagine that kind of loss. I have really been thinking about it a lot lately, though, because my parents are getting older and their health is not the best. It makes me SO sad to even think about it. They have always been there for me, even when I disappointed them and didn't deserve it. They are my rock and my earthly security. I always know in the back of my mind that I have them to run to if anything should go wrong. I just can't fathom a day when they are no longer here. :*(

Katie, I pray that the Lord will give you all the comfort, courage and strength you need to get through the coming days.....and that special peace that passeth ALL understanding.

{{HUGS}}

Teresa <><

LaNell said...

It's been almost 20 years since I lost my dad. Tears still run when I think about my kids not having those years with him, and not really knowing him, but I have tried to compensate by talking about him, telling stories, and teaching them the things he taught me. I have pictures up of them with him as reminders that they were important to him. The pain doesn't go away, but it lessens. It's been three years since my mom passed away. They will never forget her and how much she loved them, and that helps them to understand that Grandpa loved them to. Display a picture of your dad's great smile somewhere prominent in your home and they'll know they were loved!